Holy ravioli, son. I hate homework. Dude, if homework was a person, I would snub her out on the street so bad...you would have thought she was wearing a Hannah Montana "Best Of Both Worlds" concert tee or something...jeez. Anyway, since I rarely do my homework (cramming makes me smarter!), I guess I'll fill you in on what makes me sooo euphoric esta semana.
Them Jeans. That's right, Mr. Jeans. You music mash-up remix king ruling the L to the A with one hand on the turntable and one hand on your cell just in case Mr. Aoki catches a case and you need to run the coup d'etat...I really really like you. Honest. Pinky swear. I had a heavy crush on Them Jeans as soon as I caught wind of his "Oh Mandy" remix with Spinto Band and Rich Boi. Oh, how he had me in his clutches. I knew that under that surgically attached fedora lurked the mind of genius. So I dug...and was blessed. "My Testarossa and My Crack" was like the appetizer...I hungered for more.
And that's when the all knowing wax spinning DJ Demigods dropped into my lap the Palms Out Sounds Mix Series Vol.2. At first the lengthy name left me irritated and confused. I have an inherent distaste for those who enjoy many words and punctuations in their titles. (I'm still coming for you Kevin Drew. You think your BSS Presents...Spirit If:? bullshit got past me? Nope...my pretentious meter has been all the more honed and perfected upon the purchase of the last Of Montreal record, thanks.)But I gave the entire thing a listen. And by the whole thing I mean the entire 30 minutes listening to Vol.2 requires. That's when I was smitten with Them Jeans. From Outkast to Justice to T.I. to MIA and beyond...well, it was the fastest orgasm I've ever had. Oh Them Jeans...you delivered the goods unlike any man before you and yet fled the scene faster than a one night stand...leaving me oh so unfulfilled and dissatisfied. I ate breakfast alone, and found an undesirable amount of pulp in my OJ...sigh.
Still, I forgave Them Jeans for his indiscretions as I watched him romance far more fabulous others, hitting the stage with the Cool Kids, Uffie, and Kid Sister. I almost loved him more for leaving me to further his career. I had to respect a man that could keep up the hustle.
In other words, I have mad, mad love for Them Jeans. And though I know it will probably never work between the two of us...well, just give me a farewell romp in the kip by making a rad Sugar and Gold, El Guincho, Karabal Nightlife remix...it's all I'll have for memories. Well, aside from those pictures that you took of me that got leaked on the Dim Mak site.
Just kidding.
Your electric bird.
Erika
